Antenna, in collaboration with stationer Nancy Sharon Collins, is accepting submissions to be read to a live audience at LETTERS READ: The dog ate my homework on Wednesday, May 15th, 2019 at 6:30 pm at Antenna. The event is free and open to the public. Submitters are encouraged to read their own submissions. Otherwise, accepted excuses will be read by a professional actor. Submissions can be made anonymously and sensitive information can be redacted.
Educators and anyone who has received a memorable excuse submit your best, funniest, saddest, stupidest and or most implausible excuses that have ever dared to be offered for not handing in work, showing up for class, or bailing on you. Excuses can have been received as an actual note—handwritten or typed—as an email, text, or any other documentation. Excuses must be real, non-fictional. Notes masquerading as the author, such as a student pretending to be a parent or guardian are welcome along with evidence of why it was not authentic.
Here are a few sample excuses:
1.) The following is from an email as typed by the student.
”Hey Professors _________ and _________,
I don’t think i will be able to make it to class tomorrow. My roommates’ band is playing a few shows at SXSW this weekend and are trying to put out a music video before they leave tomorrow. I just finished filming and now we are beginning the editing process, which undoubtedly is going to take all night. I have arranged my stencils on the wall and am going to pick up the sixth poster from Randy and begin posturing uptown tomorrow afternoon. Attached is where I am in my 7th poster design I darkened the orange slightly to increase legibility, and rearranged a few things as well. I would love to get feedback as soon as possible so I can have this printed by the weekend. If we miraculously are able to edit the video without staying up all night, I will definitely make it to class, though based on previous dealings with motion/video software, it seems unlikely at this point. I will talk to my group about anything that I miss as well. Thanks for understanding.
2.) “Mr. Merritt, I looked in the newspaper and I couldn’t find any current events.”
3.) “Dear Nina, I am so sorry for not making it to our meeting today, I really wanted to finish my third drink and forgot.”
4.) The following was written in black pen on a white piece of paper torn from a notebook and transcribed as follows. Spacing, capitalization, and spelling are faithful to the author.
“Dear Professor I was a Jerk today; I should have listened more attentively in your Class today. I am sorry. I know I still Need to give presentation. I understand what is required. I would be ready to present as soon as next class or whenever you would Like me to.
Again I am sorry NO disrespect was intended
I Really want to be a successful student in
your class. & in LiFe.
your Student : Alex _____”
5.) “Dear __________, The maid put my homework somewhere and I couldn’t find it to hand in.”
6.) A telephone conversation between client and contractor in the middle of demolition and reconstruction:
Client: It’s nearly 10:00 am, when are you getting here to work?
Contractor: I had to do my laundry and will be there soon.
Questions about your letter or the event? Email Nancy Sharon Collins: email@example.com.
LETTERS READ is the ongoing series of live events presented by Nancy Sharon Collins in collaboration with Antenna, in which local performing artists, or individuals like you, interpret current and historically interesting letters written by culturally vital individuals from various times and New Orleans communities. For more info: https://lettersread.wordpress.com